School Memories

[ViceMan 1380]

Just been googling for old school pics and found a few class photos with me on them. Full class photos, do they still do them?

Me in 1981

For fuck's sake will you stop putting those boxes in, nobody gives a shit about you, Illuminati isn't coming to steal your face, alright?

[Mercy 30]

Lol marney when u said u had a pic this wasn't what I had in mind lol. We had a year book at our school, I'm not very photogenic tho I look a goon.

[Firm 982]

Me and my friends were walking upto the school's football pitch, it was located up a steep hill surrounded by a metal fence.

I was holding the football, my friend Reece suggested I should boot the ball onto the pitch. So I took a nice long run up and

blasted the ball as hard as I could, just as my foot connected with the ball a tiny year 7 girl ran into it's path.

The ball traveled around three feet before smacking this girl directly in the face. The ball took her off her feet and knocked her

clean out. All of my friends burst out laughing, I just uttered "That's your fault,Reece". Whilst everyone was laughing I was shitting myself,

I thought I'd killed her, the girl wasn't moving and her friend was shaking her, The whole situation looked tragic.

After a few seconds she came around. Thank god.

I was in year 11 at the time.

[Guest Marney1]

@thefirm That reminds me of playing football with my mates in the playground in the juniors when our favourite teacher in the school asked us for a kick. The ball was passed to him and he took a massive run up and blasted the ball - right into a little girls' head as she was running past, it took her off her feet sideways and the teacher ran away.

[Firm 982]

He ran away?? Why didn't I think of that.

Again football related, at least twice a game we would kick the ball onto the school roof which useally meant whoever

kicked the ball had to fetch it, unless you could convince our token negro nick (aka monkey man, he could climb the fuck outta

of anything) to fetch it for you. Once again my big toe had gotten me in trouble. Getting onto the roof was no big deal, however it looked like

they might be issues climbing down. I reasoned the best way to get down would be to jump onto the tree opposite and climb down that.

I ran to the edge and slipped on the vandal grease which carried me straight over the side. I landed on my chest and right arm. It fucking hurt .

I got away with broken (completly mangled beyond comprehension) wrist.

[DJ Nuggets 6]

Another time, we played "floor hockey" in the gym (we played a lot of shitty versions of regular sports at my school), and I was the goalie because, well, I don't like to move a lot. The shitty floor hockey version of a puck slid my way, and I just stepped on it. The entire opposing team ran towards me and started trying to knock the puck out from under my shoe (seriously, they thought that would work), and another guy I didn't like ran up and whacked me in the shin with his hockey stick. It didn't get me to move, but it hurt like fuck. The gym teacher told them to back off, I threw the puck back to the middle of the gym, they started playing again. They hit it towards me, I stopped it again, and the same guy hit me in the same spot. Next play, I pulled the nearest kid into the goal and slowly walked out onto the floor. The guy got the puck, and I just ran up and slashed him on the back of his thigh and knee, he dropped, and I went back to the goal.

Not the best stories, but I was pretty pleased when they happened.

Thats freaking awsome Mass. I play hockey as a goalie so that totally reminded me of myself of when i first started to play.

[Massacre 7646]

It was a very satisfying moment.

[CaPn bOnEs 8527]

i didn't read this topic, but i could sum up my school memories with a few quick thoughts... school sucked, i was barely there, i got in more trouble while i was there, and spent most of my high school days doing drugs... i still smoke pot and have the occasional mushroom journey, but i still can't figure out how i graduated, or how i have had a decent living since then... i wish i would of spent more time paying attention in the classes i hated - history and science - because i fucking love those subjects now, yet i spent my time slacking off or sleeping in class... i work hard for a living now, but i cold barely apply myself in school...

i was in band for 3 years in high school, swimming for 2 years, golfing one year, and 4 years on the varsity smoke team... i wouldn't trade it for the world... good times... fuzzy times, but they were fun times...

[Guest Marney1]

I was in a science class and we were all in our little groups each with a bunsen burner in the middle of our desk, while the teacher wasn't looking we'd turn the gas taps on, light one and blow the flame round so it would ignite the other 3 'gas leaks' which made it almost impossible to turn the taps off again without burning yourself. One or two of the lads in my group started waving paper towels over the flames - trying to do it quick without them catching fire when the obvious happened, one of them caught fire.

So fat Ste starts trying to pat the flames out but it wasn't working so I grabbed the paper towel and pushed it through the handle/hole of the desk/workbench draw thinking it would suffocate in there and go out. Nope, 2 minutes later smoke starts billowing from the hole in the draw (turns out it was full of paper) so we all panicked and tried to open it but it was jammed, plus you were risking getting burned.

Next minute the rest of the class starts pointing and shouting 'FIRE!!' Fat Steven starts pointing at me too telling everyone - "HE STARTED IT!!"

I grabbed a fire extinguisher and couldn't figure out how the fuck to use it so the teacher tells us all to get out and the school fire alarm goes off. Everyone in the school, about a 1,000 pupils evacuate the building and the fire crews turn up but a caretaker had managed to put it out by now anyway.

Later on the deputy head of the school, who was also a court barrister, started 'conducting interviews' and everyone had pointed the finger at me. He decides he wants me prosecuted and charged with arson which can carry an indefinite life sentence in England but he was eventually persuaded by the other staff to accept it was just an accident.

Now I'm a gas engineer.

[Massacre 7646]

That's an empowering story of redemption, Marney.

[Guest Marney1]

That's an empowering story of redemption, Marney.

I often demonstrate how a gas explosion happens for customers who think they know how they happen. I have a catering tin which once contained beans. A small hole is cut in the bottom and the lid is a pop off one like that on a paint tin but now with a tiny hole in it, I hold it over the gas on their cooker to allow it to fill then put it on the floor and light the gas which is rising through the hole in the lid. Once the gas to air ratio reaches between 5-15% an explosion occurs and blows the lid off.

The customers shit their pants and sign an annual gas safety check contract.

Edit: Similar to this;

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Lbarl9IvTU

Still jump myself every time it happens.

[Massacre 7646]

Shit, I've done that for fun before. Never thought I could use it to make money.

*Sets out to become a gas engineer*

[Guest Marney1]

Sitting down about to eat my dinner once and went to sprinkle some salt over it when the lid fell off and whole lot covered my plate. The kid next to me laughed then went backwards over his chair with my fork stuck in his forehead.

[DuffMan 266]

We had a substitute Chemistry teacher for half a year in year 9. He was a bit eccentric, and one day walked in and said "right then, I've got some spare sodium sitting downstairs. Let's see what happens when we drop it in water". We'd already seen this party trick so we didn't think much of it at the time, we just thought it would be an easy lesson. He took us outside where we had a grassy area on the other side of a large glass panel. He got a bucket of water, and grabbed a jar of something from the window. Inside it was a fist-sized lump of sodium. He threw it in the bucket from 6ft away and ran for cover. The explosion was huge, the bucket was shredded and smoke was billowing from it for a couple of minutes. Looking up, you could see people on the maths block on the third storey looking out the window thinking wtf is going on. Like a total ledge, the teacher then said "well, that was pretty conclusive, but this is science and we need to do repeats to confirm what we've observed didn't happen by chance." So sure enough, he grabbed another bucket, filled it with water, and another lump of sodium, and made a similar basketball-style dunk to get it into the bucket and ran for the hills. After that firework went off, he said "for the purposes of today's experiment, I think that will do for now. I suggest we make our way back up to the lab, I don't remember telling the headmaster we'll be doing this and he's probably wondering what's going on in his school". Best substitute teacher ever.

[DJ Nuggets 6]

I remember in grade 4 when we got to go outside for a while, some of my friends and I were throwing rocks at these mailboxes far far away. One of them grabs a huge ass rock ( Bigger than a baseball ), and chucks it at the mailbox. As soon as he threw it a giant pick-up truck comes along and got to witness the dent in his mailbox. We pretty much booked it out of that situation.

[Guest Marney1]

In the juniors we had to have assembly in the main hall every morning where we'd put our hand up for the register then be forced to repeat the Lord's Prayer;

Our Father, whoich Farts in heaven,

Hallowed be thy Name.

Thy Kingdom come.

Thy will be done in earth,

As it is in heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And forgive us our trespasses,

As we forgive them that trespass against us.

And lead us not into temptation,

But deliver us from evil.

For thine is the kingdom,

The power, and the glory,

For ever and ever.

Armen.

Then we'd open our hymn books (pretty sure this was the cover):

We'd then sing some hymns while the teacher played the piano.

On this one occasion our favourite teacher (the one who kicked the ball at the little girl and ran away) said "Fuck hymns, who wants to hear The A-Team?" It was funny, he couldn't play Knightrider though.

Oh yeah, we once had a stand in teacher taking assembly so we all decided to hum in unison and because she couldn't tell who was doing it she was shouting at us to stop it but we just hummed louder. It went on for ages until she boke down in tears and left, never to be seen again.

[Massacre 7646]

Prayers? Did you go to a Catholic school, then?

[DuffMan 266]

I went to a CofE primary school and had those Come and Praise books. Hymn 98 was great, was the closest we got to rock in assemblies.

[Mercy 30]

I had hymes 2, like that's one ' he's got the whole world in his hands' and stupid songs like that. My lower school was rubbish tho.

[Guest Marney1]

Prayers? Did you go to a Catholic school, then?

No, CofE primary school like Duff said above. We'd have Braveheart style battles on the field which seperated our school from the local catholic school, well it seemed like Braveheart when I was a little kid with an imagination. My family have never been the religious type so the school was probably just chosen because my brothers and sister went there before me and got a fairly decent ejokashun.

[Massacre 7646]

Fuck that. No school could have made me do that shit. That's fucking stupid.

[Guest Marney1]

Fuck that. No school could have made me do that shit. That's fucking stupid.

I don't think we had a choice here, it was either a catholic school or CofE.

[DuffMan 266]

CofE was definitely the lesser of two evils. I was too young to really give a fuck, could just mumble if I didn't feel like singing and we went to a church service once a year.

In year 6 we sat at the front of the church behind the vicar or whoever it was taking the service, and my 'girlfriend' (you know those stupid relationships you get in primary school, some girls get like 10 boyfriends) kept kissing me. Dunno if anyone noticed.

[Firm 982]

We had to sing hymns at primary and junior school too.

Like Marney we too adapted the lyrics.

"When god made the garden of creation he filled it with his love"

became

"When god made the toilet of creation he filled it with his shit"

Clever, right?

[Guest Marney1]

We had to sing hymns at primary and junior school too.

Like Marney we too adapted the lyrics.

"When god made the garden of creation he filled it with his love"

became

"When god made the toilet of creation he filled it with his shit"

Clever, right?

That would have gotten you the cane in my school.