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Guest Marney-1

School Memories

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Guest Marney1

Me and the missus ended up laughing for half the night last week talking about some of the funny things we did while we were in school and I was surprised at how much comes flooding back, I can even remember things from when I was in nursery.

So, with so many memories of my school days I'm not going to put them all here in this one post but rather add them as they come to mind. If you remember anything which still gives you the giggles to this day then share them here.

So to start the ball rolling;

back-to-school.gif

I was in 4th year juniors and had waited in line for about 20 minutes for my turn to bat in a game of rounders which the dinner ladies had organised (dinner ladies acted as playground staff too) and when it finally came for me to bat I was doing practice swings ready for the little old dinner lady to serve when I saw an orange blur, then something hit me right in the eye - really hard. It was an orange, some kid had launched it at me for some unknown reason and it fucking hurt.

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In year 12 I was put on a ban from home study with a load of others - which basically meant you weren't allowed to go home during free periods when the other sixth formers could - for hanging posters around the school. One day when we all had the final period (after lunch) free, we all went into a classroom a mile away from anyone else and hung out. It got boring and a couple of people started pissing around on the teacher's wheelie chair. 15 minutes later we had all the tables lined up across the room and did drag races on the chairs across the tables, the winner being the one who hit the floor at the end first.

The next day, I was told I was taken off my ban from home study for good behaviour.

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Lol.

Like every school we had p.e, physical education, gym, whatever you call it. Well we had to run cross country ( which is basically a massive lap of a massive really muddy field, with obstacles) well in year 8 my friend who has asthma didn't want to run, but she did anyway, as we got past the first lap she told me she was going to faint, so stopped, and walked to the finish lap line where the teacher was, my friend looked pale and like she was going to be sick. The teacher ran over and asked why we had stopped running, I explained and so my teacher, the lovely lady she was told my friend running would help. I told the fat cow she should do it if she thinks its so easy, I then got a yellow card ( our shitty school system was like football, a yellow, then red, then out) well we came back round for the last lap, at this point my friend was crying and could barely breath. My teacher came over and was shouting something I didn't catch, as soon as the teacher was close enough my mate vomited all over her, in her mouth, her hair, everything. We all laughed and I got a red card, but was so funny. Taught that bitch a lesson :)

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Guest Marney1

I was about 10 and we were in the swimming baths and had all just been allowed to move on into the big pool but this one lad, George was a bit slow at learning to stay afloat without armbands and when he finally got told he could join us in the big pool we heard him shouting with joy then just watched as he ran the length of the pool and bombed straight in at the deep end - and sink.

The teacher stood there shaking his head while he took his shoes and socks off, his t-shirt, then his watch. All this while we were screaming at him to save him, another lad ended up doing the honours himself and saved George then the teacher called him a stupid boy.

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Guest Marney1

I was in school between '81 - '93 so I had the joy of seeing kids get battered by the teachers in the eighties.

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I was lucky I guess, I never had to worry about being battered by teachers, I finished high school education in 2008 and so teachers are fuckin wimps anyway, we used to be well horrible to our teachers. We locked one in a cupboard in year 5. They always tried to be high and mighty tho and they weren't.

If I was at school then the teachers would have battered me.

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I was really quiet in school, didn't start getting more confidence until year 10-11. I got taken the piss out of a bit by the "it" kids because I was so quiet but nothing much, of course it hasn't left me mentally scarred for life. I started mouthing back a bit in year 10 and getting involved in the japery, but even then i'd still class myself as an outsider. Never was one of the popular kids, and i'm fucking glad.

I remember me and my mates used to take the piss out of the teachers, each one had a catchprase that we used to look out for during lessons, sort of made us laugh 'cause we had a weird sense of humour.

We had a teacher called Mr. Harris for French in about year 10, and I sat at the front of the class in front of his desk. He was a Brummie and had a really nasal voice so hearing him speak French was fucking hilarious. The "it" kids used to steal his bromcom (if you don't know what that is it's an electronic register that all goes into the school's server so they can see who's not in lesson etc.) before he came into the class at the beginning of the lesson, they also nicked his hat one time. When he got up I used to kick the drawer in his desk open so he tripped over it, I can't remember if he ever found out it was me but it shouldn't have been hard to work out. Suffice to say we didn't get much done in French lessons and I ended up getting an F... for French. :o

I never did any "cool" rebellious stuff because deep down I was quite sensible and studious, I still am.

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Sitting at the back of maths in year 11, knowing very well that I've fucked it up royal style and my teacher even told me so. She said "you're not going to get the C because you cocked up in the other exams and you need a high B or an A in the last exam to get it, we both know thats not going to happen". She was happy with me turning up and being quiet because it was better than me hanging round with the bagheads and stoners for a few hours each week.

Anyway shes pregnant and goes on maternity leave and they bring in this nigerian teacher(couldn't understand the cunt properly either) to teach the class for the rest of the year and guess what, he doesn't know the drill. He keeps giving me shit about not doing any work and eventually thinks that getting right in my face and screaming at me will fix it, haha no chance. I stood up to the prick and he picked up a pretty hefty work book and threatens to hit me with it if I dont get on with some work. I say "go ed then, DO IT". he never luckily got that far cos the teacher from the next class room had come to see what was going on and caught him pretty much mid swing. suffice to say he didnt teach in our school again.

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Guest Marney1

On the school bus waiting for it to fill up and drop us off home when the driver said "All off!" Someone had thrown a seat out of the top deck window and it hit a passing motorcyclist. Avoided the school bus as much as I could because bricks would come through the windows whenever we went passed a 'rival school'.

We once had a new driver who didn't know the route so we gave him directions right up the long lane which was only wide enough for a single car. We said thanks and left him to figure out how to turn the fucker round. :P

The bus was one of these:

4276781979_114b318173.jpg

My missus' class went to a safary park with their school and got stopped by a safari park worker in his Land Rover half way back to the school, the kids had opened the back window and kidnapped one of the monkey's.

Pic from the actual safari park:

baboons_indo_369544t.jpg

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Guest Marney1

In year 10 I pushed this paki kid and called him bitch tits cause he was being a little cunt. During lunch, him and all his 'cousins' came to beat me up. They didn't though, luckily my friends had my back!

The schools I went to were far from diverse, not a single paki and only 2 black kids who joined during my final year. Then again you don't get pakis in Liverpool anyway.

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Guest Marney1

We were playing indoor football for P.E. and a lad shat himself. It was all over the benches, the floor, his leg.. I have never laughed as hard at something as I did that day.

Ha, we were playing basketball and I got into an argument with one of the other side and I punched him in the face but it made such a loud noise that everyone stood shocked staring at me. I said sorry and picked him up off the floor, still don't know why I did it.

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In year 3 I got in a fight with a girl in year 4 coz she pushed in the lunch line, the teachers came and had to claw my hands away from her hair, I had somuch of her stuck between my fingers it was unreal. It's the only fight i ever had, well non verbal one

Can't believe that boy shat himself, how embarasin! .

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In year 3 I got in a fight with a girl in year 4 coz she pushed in the lunch line, the teachers came and had to claw my hands away from her hair, I had somuch of her stuck between my fingers it was unreal. It's the only fight i ever had, well non verbal one

Can't believe that boy shat himself, how embarasin! .

I was amazed he came back to school at all (albeit a week or two later). It was in Year 10 or something as well so we were around 15/16. You could see the shit on the floor from the outside at break time ha.

Speaking of having fights with girls, I remember it was about Year 4 and this girl came up to me and kicked me (I was having a good argument with one of her lad mates), so I punted her in the shin. Went down like Ronaldo.

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Guest Marney1

I got shot in the hand and face by some idiots in the woods next to our school. They were only firing Webley air pistols but still could have blinded someone, the pellets still had enough power to make me bleed though. A few others also got hit, my mate had to get emergency surgery to remove a pellet from his neck and a girl got hit between her leg and minge.

Well that was a happy school memory wasn't it?

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Guest Marney1

Just been googling for old school pics and found a few class photos with me on them. Full class photos, do they still do them?

Me in 1981 :P

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I've got two from my high school gym class (or p.e., if you're under the impression that gym is some sort of education). We played flag football (which, for those who don't know, is where you grab a flag from their belt instead of tackling them. Football for pussies, basically), and I didn't want to chase people to grab their flag, so I just stood there. This one guy, real douchebag, thought he was a badass, made sure everyone knew he thought he was a badass. He liked to pick on the unpopular kids, the only kids I found tolerable. He had never bothered me, but for some reason, he decided that today was the day to start. He wound up with the ball, and he ran towards me. Now, I don't know why he did this, maybe he was planning on making fun of me when he ran by and I didn't make a grab at his flag, or maybe he wanted to knock me down on his way to the end zone, I don't know, but whatever it was, it didn't go his way. He got way too close to me, and I just reached out and pushed/chest bumped him to the ground. He landed on the ball and just lied there holding his ribs. I reached down and pulled his flag off his belt, then threw it on him and walked off.

Another time, we played "floor hockey" in the gym (we played a lot of shitty versions of regular sports at my school), and I was the goalie because, well, I don't like to move a lot. The shitty floor hockey version of a puck slid my way, and I just stepped on it. The entire opposing team ran towards me and started trying to knock the puck out from under my shoe (seriously, they thought that would work), and another guy I didn't like ran up and whacked me in the shin with his hockey stick. It didn't get me to move, but it hurt like fuck. The gym teacher told them to back off, I threw the puck back to the middle of the gym, they started playing again. They hit it towards me, I stopped it again, and the same guy hit me in the same spot. Next play, I pulled the nearest kid into the goal and slowly walked out onto the floor. The guy got the puck, and I just ran up and slashed him on the back of his thigh and knee, he dropped, and I went back to the goal.

Not the best stories, but I was pretty pleased when they happened.

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Guest Birdie

I've always been quitre loud and cocky. I don't tend to back down. Some skank who had been bothering me and my gf for months got in my face, started talking crap. I said to him (Knowing his dads a druggie) "I hope you're parents die..but knowing you're dad, hes probably already dead! " We ended up fighting but it got split up.

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